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Wedding Ceremony

     Good evening and welcome! Before we begin, I would like to kindly ask that you stow and silence your cell phones and cameras during the ceremony. While Lauren and Mike want you to completely enjoy and remember your time tonight, they also wish for there to be no visible cell phones out in their wedding portraits that their photographer will take.  OPENING AND WELCOME      Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, it's here. Today, March 16th, 2019, marks the day that Michael and Lauren finally make it official, before the most important people in their lives, proclaiming their love and commitment to each other.  And at their request, we are gathered to bear witness, and to celebrate with them as they set forth on their journey into this defining new chapter.      Though Lauren and Mike have been together for eight years, today’s event is no small occasion.  They have spent a great deal of time and effort developing their relationship, leaning on shared affinities while di
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First Annual Burglary Day:
A Dispatch From the End of Personal Security

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    “So, what happened?”     “Well... someone broke in and stole a bunch of my stuff.” ----- I ----- Our family dog, a miniature schnauzer named Shimmer, used to sleep in a recliner beside the front door when nobody was home.  This may sound sweet, the idea of her waiting as close to the door as possible for her humans to return, but we know that wasn't the case.  For one thing, I'm fairly certain she was more immediately concerned with the view out of the nearby window than she was with our return.  And then there's also the fact that she was never in said recliner when any of us came home.  Because that was against the rules, and she knew it. Shimmer was only allowed on the couches if she was with one of us -- which was indeed often.  But rare were the times when you might find her relaxing on the sofa alone, catching up on her soaps.  Because she knew the rules (and because she didn't watch soaps).  So when her powerful little ears would catch t
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